.....

So, this blog thing is time consuming. Sure, it doesn't take too long just to think of something and write it out. But when you have a baby constantly wanting her mommy, it seems like it takes an entire day just to write a ten minute blog.


Have you ever just had one of those days where you feel like it goes by SO quick, yet lasted forever? That is an everyday thing within the mind of a new mommy. Being a mom is the most amazing thing in the world, but I was not expecting to have my life change SO much.


Don't get me wrong, the change was DEFINITELY for the better. It was just surprising at how much changed with one thing. She has taken over my entire life. My heart, my soul, and my entire way of living.


Gotta pee? Okay, lets wait until the baby is calm.
Gotta eat? Okay, lets hope the baby is okay sitting for half an hour to do it.
Want to take a bath? HA! That time is a luxury anymore.


BUT, it is something you have to learn to adjust to. I have learned to take baths or showers when she has just finished eating and fallen asleep for the night.
Eating is still a chore, but my brother has been nice enough to sit with her the last couple of days... Poor thing freaks out whenever she starts to cry. He doesn't know what to do. I want to laugh, but feel bad that he doesn't know what to do.


So, I guess I am gonna go back to watching 21 Jumpstreet and enjoy the baby's nap time...


Much love!

Story of a new mom...

I didn't sleep last night. Not a wink. BUT, it was not due to me. I was having a good night with my little girl.


Little miss decided that instead of sleeping, she didn't want the light off. She wanted it on all night so she could stare at my bedroom wall ALL night. It was too cute to stop. She just stared. 


I am running on basically NOTHING. No sleep, no food. Bathing is only optional at the moment, because she wants mommy at ALL times and hates the bathwater. 


The things you take for granted, I swear.


But, no matter the things you hear about being a new mother, NOTHING could ever prepare you. Being a SINGLE new mother is even harder. She is always with me, and I can't seem to do even the smallest things before she starts fussing again.


I try hard, and I know that the people around me think I am just being lazy and not WANTING to do anything.. But you think I want to live in a house with dishes piling up and without eating dinner? NO WAY JOSE! 


I tried washing dishes last night and got through the silverware before she wanted to fuss again. I know she is just a tiny little baby, so I stop what I am doing to make her feel more comfortable. I mean, hell, she was inside me for 9 months. She is dependent on me in every way. I will NOT let her just sit and cry so I can do other things that OTHERS can do.


I don't know, I guess this is just a vent. I know there are a ton of single mothers out there who do a ton, but this is just me. I don't want to feel like I MUST do everything to keep other happy. My first and ONLY concerns are my daughter and me... 


Okay, I guess I'm done now... Much love to ya. Gonna go lay down in the recliner with my baby girl and watch some Supernatural. This zombie mama is TIRED!

Insomnia can bite my....

So, I should know better than to think I will get some sleep. It just NEVER happens when you want it to. Little miss slept for several hours last night (probably the first time she has slept at night for more than an hour since she was born)... 


So, silly me, I expected to sleep. But Nooooo. My stupid body decided that I didn't need to sleep. So, here I am running on probably 5 hours of sleep for the last WEEK. Oh, the joys of parenthood.


But, since I am feeling a bit "WHO AM I GOING TO KILL NEXT?", I think I should probably cut this entry short. Don't want you all to start reading and want to cry or send the men with those nice white coats after me. Although, I do like to hug myself. And with how clumsy I am, a padded room might not be so bad. 


So, hey, maybe I should write some more. Seems like I might get a good deal out of it... :P

Accomplished

I am feeling extremely accomplished today. Even though I've had the flu and with the baby, I was able to finish a website I have been designing. It came out amazing considering I've not built a site in over a year. 


Little miss gave me three quiet hours to work, and in that time I was able to code and design 20 pages of this site today. 


I must say... WOOHOO!


That is it for now. I am pooped!

The life of a sick mama

So, I have got the flu. It is not fun whatsoever. But, it is LESS fun with a newborn baby under three weeks old. My little girl is my main concern. Am I going to get her sick? If she gets sick will it last long? 


Luckily, the Drs told me that due to her immune system, she should be fine. But it doesn't help a new mommy from worrying. So far, I think her biggest concern is to eat and poop, sleep comes without her even trying. Of course, that is only when she knows mommy doesn't have the option to sleep. Night time? It has become Movie time. My Isabella thinks that sleeping during the day is her night time, and night is when she should stay away so mommy MAY get 1 hour of sleep or so. 


Hey, atleast it has given me the chance to start watching the seasons of 21 Jumpstreet like I've been wanting to. That is great, but believe me, sleep would be greatly appreciated. 


And food? HA! I am lucky to eat a few bites before little miss decides she needs attention from mommy, RIGHT AWAY! I have eaten THREE full meals since the day she was born. It is sad when I look at food and think "I might as well say goodnight now, cause I'll never get to eat you". 


Anyway, I seem to have a little time, as you can see this blog has been written. But of course, this is with Bella behind me making small noises, trying to let me know that she wants mommy time and it is NOT acceptable for me to be here.


So, much love to you all and I will talk to you soon! Hopefully less sick with more sleep.


MUAH!

Just a random streak of luck

So cool. I won a buck on a scratchoff I won at a Christmas party. I have been keeping it in my wallet until today. Got a random ticket. Had 5 numbers, and my winning number was 7. All 5 numbers were 7's. I won ten bucks on it... WOOHOO

Morning all! It is 9:36am, and I am writing this with about an hour of sleep. I have gotten used to it, but I have to say, it SUCKS! 


Okay, so now I am typing with my Bella laying here looking at me. I wonder what she is thinking when she gets these funny looks on her face. Right now, all I can see is "What the hell are you doing? What, not gonna feed me again?"


I love looking into her beautiful eyes. They have turned to a bright blue and I can't help but wonder if they are going to stay that way or change. She is so beautiful. I can literally feel my heart change every time I look at her. She has changed my world. I have been given EVERYTHING in this little girl. And I only have a stronger love for her daily.


Have you ever heard a new mom giggle when her baby farts? Well, I do...haha
It is funny watching this tiny little thing then hear her pass gas as if she was in the body of a chili eating champion.


Anywho, this is my "me" for now.

I am going to go sit in the rocking chair with my baby girl... That is an amazing feeling. When she lays on my chest and falls asleep because she is so comfortable with me. The look in her eyes, the smile on her face. I am not a religious person, but if I believed there was a Heaven, it would be HER. Not a place in the sky... The one who captures your everything becomes your Heaven.
~---------------------------------------------~ 

I want to thank again a wonderful guy who has been telling me how he wants me to write again. I told him what it meant to me when I used to, and he has been trying to convince me to do it again. I think this is a good way to start... Thank you for that.

And my Squishy has recently started her own blog, and her creativity and openness gave me the idea to start a blog to get my writing back to "something".... She really is Superwoman, and deserves the credit to be given.